The differences that matter most in practice
- Detail or the big picture
- Detail-first people ask for specifics, numbers and examples. Big-picture people want the goal and the why, and lose interest in the fine print. Adapt by leading with what they ask for, and offering the rest.
- Direct or diplomatic
- Some people say exactly what they think and expect the same back. Others soften disagreement and read bluntness as hostility. Adapt how plainly you say things, not what you say.
- Quick decisions or time to think
- Some people decide in the room. Others need to go away and think. Adapt by agreeing when the decision will be made, not just what it is.
- In writing or out loud
- Some people think by talking. Others think by reading and writing. Adapt the channel for the conversations that matter.
How to notice a style from how someone talks
- What do they ask for, again and again? Specifics, reasons, options, or time?
- How do they disagree? Openly in the meeting, with questions, or later in private?
- When did a conversation with them go well? What was different about it?
Look at what they do, not at what kind of person they are. “Alex asked for the numbers twice” is useful. “Alex is difficult” is not.
Why labels and quizzes miss
You may have seen communication sorted into a few fixed types, such as passive, aggressive and assertive. Those describe behavior in a moment. They don't tell you how to approach one particular person next Tuesday. People aren't one type, and the same person can be direct in one setting and careful in another. Patterns from real conversations are more useful than a label.
How to adapt without faking it
- Keep your message; change the order, the channel or the pace.
- Adapt for the conversations that matter, not every message.
- Say what you're doing: “I'll send the details first so you have time to look.”
See each person's style, from your own conversations
Sixen reads the work conversations you choose and notices how each person communicates: what they ask for, how they decide, and what makes them push back. You get a read on the person, the moments behind it, and two or three ways to approach them next time. You can accept, edit or reject every read, and only you see it.